How To Homeschool During Crisis Times: Terri Hitt

TRANSCRIPT

Shanxi: Hello, this is Shanxi Omoniyi, host of MPE’s “Homeschool Hints” podcast to encourage you wherever you may be on your homeschool journey.

Today we're going to discuss homeschooling and what that can look like during times of crisis, and these times of crisis can be health issues, financial challenges and unexpected emergencies and so much more – you name it.

Our featured speaker is Terri Hitt. She's a longtime homeschool mom and podcaster. And Terri, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your homeschool journey?

Terri: Hi. Thank you, first of all, for having me here today and I really appreciate it. I love to pour back into mothers, and I'm just so blessed to be a part of their journey in this small part today.

Well, I am, like you said, a longtime homeschool mama. I like to tell people that we raised 2 sets of children over 2 generations. My first set of children were not homeschooled, and I worked full time outside the home and ironically, my oldest daughter always wanted to be home schooled, but I was not one of those pioneering families.

Then when we started our second set of children, I knew God was calling me to homeschool, and started with my middle daughter, and she was homeschooled all the way through. And then our youngest we brought home at the age of 9. And she has been homeschooled. And I say she's graduated. She just turned 18, but she's mentally and emotionally around 12. So really, what has happened is she's graduated from the ISPs we had for her there, but now it's lifelong learning. It's skills and things that it'll just be a lifetime of us working together doing. 

Shanxi: Thank you so much for sharing. That's beautiful. What are some of the crisis times that you've personally dealt with during your homeschool journey? 

Terri: Goodness, I feel like I should be asking you to write these down. We've had the loss of a child. We've had the loss of a job, loss of insurance, loss of both of my parents and my father-in-law. Bringing a child home, adopting internationally.

Even though that's a huge blessing, it's still kind of a crisis mode because she came in not knowing English, had been isolated in a crib for seven of her years where no one talked to her or ate with her. And so, you know, she comes here and has to have heart surgery and other surgeries and procedures. And so that's a lot of things. And I guess that skims the surface of – that's the biggest things. 

Shanxi: I know we could spend a whole hour and more just unpacking every single one of those crisis moments, but for the purposes of this interview, can you just give a range of, you know, the common emotions, the common experiences? Just for other people who may be going through something similar but just, you know, maybe they haven't met somebody else like you who has been in similar situations before? 

Terri: Yes, I first of all want to say thank God that at this point in my life, really the biggest emotion I had was that I wanted to honor him. I was doing this homeschool journey for him. It was an act of obedience because I really felt him calling me to do it.

So, for any of the mothers who are out there and they love the Lord, remember that when these crisis moments come out, because when we rest in his arms he will show us through. But beyond that, I can remember wanting to protect my middle daughter because we didn't have my youngest home yet for most of these things, and my biggest thing was protect her and then of course, educate her.

There's always that underlying thread that I'm supposed to be teaching them, and so I think that when any crisis comes that is immediately where a mother's mind goes.

Shanxi: Right. And do you think that feels overwhelming sometimes, just because of all the other factors that are happening? It's like, how do I even begin to educate or even begin to teach when there's so many other things I'm dealing with?

Terri: I think it can. I think that when these things happen, we have a choice. We can either let the overwhelming anxiety seep in and then begin to take over, or through a practiced – and when I mean when I say practiced, I mean purposeful, maturing walk with Christ – when those moments come up, at least, what I've learned to do – and I'm not saying I've got it all figured out, because here's what happened in my life and I hope it helps other mothers – anytime I feel fear or anxiety or emotions, feelings like that, I remind myself, “That means you've taken your eyes off the Lord.”

And I imagine putting on blinders. And I imagine that all I can do is see up. It's similar to how a horse would go through a fire and they have the blinders that show them walking forward. I imagine I can only see up.

That's my reminder to do that and to take whatever I'm feeling to him. So whether that underlying feeling of fear is that the education won't be get, you know, it won't get done or it's anxiety, that “Oh, I don't know when I'm going to do it,” or anything like that, I take it to him. And I think it's good for us all to remember that and train ourselves just like a, you know, gymnast trains in the gym or an athlete trains with weights. It's something that in life we have to practice doing. 

Shanxi: How would you say these crisis times when you were homeschooling – how did these compare with crisis times that maybe, before you started home schooling – were there any differences? And if so, what were those differences to how you managed crises? 

Terri: I think it depends on where a woman is, because when a crisis would pop up before, when I was working full time outside the home, you know, there was that certain thought pattern that I would go into of, “Oh, now I have to call into work,” you know. “I have to tell my boss that this is going on and I'll be late or I won't be there,” or, you know, that type of thing.

I think a mother puts extra weight on herself when it's education, because we take it so, so tightly. It's precious. It's dear, you know. We think that we hold the power to give our children, you know, this wonderful life and education, or that we hold the power to just crush them.

And “Oh my goodness, now, they're not going to know anything and they won't have a future because I messed it all up.” I mean, we think these thoughts.

And so, I think that it just depends on where you are, as to how you deal with it. But for me, I think it was easier to deal with things before homeschooling because of the pressure that can be heaped on, you know, myself.

And that's why, for me, it was important to practice really going to the Lord. I can remember a time when we had already lost my older daughter and we, on the heels of that, like within – oh goodness. I think it was within a year to two years – then my mother got really bad with Alzheimer's. And then my father got terminal lung cancer.

Marissa was, by this time – she was 4 when my oldest daughter died. So, from like 6 to 8, really heavy pressures in there with my parents. And we were seeing my mother daily and helping manage her care. And then my father was ill, and he was given anywhere from a week to a year to live. And so, we were trying to see him as much as possible. And he took a turn for the worse. And we were seeing him every day and couldn't get to my mother. You know, it was just these heavy things.

And I remember one day during this, I was supposed to be getting their house – we had an estate salesperson coming in to take care of everything and sell things, and then we were supposed to sell the house – and the estate salesperson called me one morning and said, “Well, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?” And I said, “The bad news, just tell me the bad news first.”

And she said, “Well, someone bought your parents’ refrigerator last night, and the person that sold it forgot to unplug the water. And so, the house is flooded upstairs and it's dripping into the basement.”

And I can remember in that moment, I got off the phone – well, first, I called my husband at work and said, “I need you. I need help.” And I went to my closet, and I laid prostrate on the floor and I just started crying.

And I said, “God, I cannot do this. I've tried to carry this, and I thought I was letting you handle this, but evidently, I'm not because this is really hitting me and I really need you to take over. Please, please take over.”

And so, I say all of that, just to remind mothers that it's so ultra important to know we're not supposed to be perfect, and we're not supposed to be able to carry it all. And our father waits with willing arms and hands for us just to abide in him, and he will make a way through things that we see no way out of. 

Shanxi: How did that get resolved? 

Terri:

Well, it was funny. It got deeper yet and oh, it had so many details, but my husband did go over. He helped them to clean up. And then I came over and I had to get in contact with a company that came in to dry everything out and arrange them. I mean, they had to paint walls and fix floors and ceilings and all kinds of things.

But I really began to look for the blessings in everything. I think too, one thing that is important is this time that was so very difficult, that really allowed me to rest and see how God provided gave me time to teach or to craft the art of serving to my middle daughter. Because it was through this time that she really began to serve others when we were in the nursing home where my mother was, she would work, crafts and work with the PE department. She would go in the rooms and visit the elderly patients, and they loved that so much.

So all the little things like painting nails and things like that, even though she was young, she logged so many hours that people didn't believe the amount of hours she had. I mean, it was way up there because we were there all the time, but it really taught her that part of serving and to this day, she really enjoys elderly people, and I know that it's from that time in our lives that I thought was so horrible, but God had a plan during it all. 

Shanxi: That kind of feeds into my next question actually, which was about how sometimes it can be very difficult for people to talk about these moments of crisis because, you know, it's not like it's laid out in your curriculum, you're going to go through a hard time and X-and-X months of the year or anything like that. It's nothing, you know, it just happens. Have you been able to in your life? Find strategies to plan for the unplanned, so to speak, or to go into the school year with an open mind – knowing maybe from the beginning that it's just not going to be a usual school year?

Terri: Yes, I think that is one thing that that we need to do as homeschool mommas is to have those open hands and heart, and know that life isn't perfect.

And enjoy if you're in a smooth season right now. Enjoy it and be thankful for it, because it just won't stay there. It's those hills and those valleys, and I don't know if you know that Lynda Randle song, “God on The Mountain,” and she talks about the God in the valley is still like, you know, the God on the mountain. He's always constant. I think going into the school year with open hands and heart and just knowing, “OK, God, we rest in you day by day.”

And one thing that we began doing is making sure that we did our Bible study first thing. When I first started homeschooling, you know, like preschool, kindergarten, first grade, we would be like, “OK, what do you want to start with today?” And I would let her pick.

And then it got to where I would think, “Well, she kind of had difficulty with, let's just say math, yesterday and had more questions. Let's start with math and get it over with so the rest of the day’s a breeze.”

But then God spoke to my heart, and he said, “You need to start with me.” Even if I had read my Bible first thing in the morning, it doesn't matter because my daughter didn't see me read it. And when you put God first, I mean, it's good for them to see you do it.

But when you put God first with your children and teach them that habit and that love, that desire to do so, it makes all the difference because what we're doing then is setting them up to build character and behavior, which helps for the rest of the day or the rest of the month, or the rest of the year. And then when those crisis moments come or those times, those seasons, you've already got that firm foundation being built, that you can stand upon together. 

Shanxi: Sometimes we feel, you know, my homeschool has to be perfect, especially for the new moms and for, you know, those just starting out in homeschooling. The pressure, like you said, is on them. They feel like they are the ones carrying the weight of their children's education. And, you know, you may feel that need – like, “My homeschool friend’s writing in cursive, how come my children are not writing in cursive?” And then add to that, of course, in times of crisis – what have you found helpful just to avoid that comparison-contrast and just feeling like, “I'm just not adequate?”

Terri: One thing that really helped me is when we brought my younger daughter home because – I spoke briefly of her background earlier. And with her special medical and educational needs – ah, it was a breath of fresh air because there was nothing to compare to just being able to see her, to meet her where she was first of all, and to see her as the unique and beautiful daughter that God made. And just to connect with her was our first goal, right? Because she needed to trust us, and to be able to do that.

And one thing I love to say is that smiles and music are – that's international. I mean, who doesn't connect with smiles and music? And so that helped us.

And meeting your child where they are, whether you teach – we all know as homeschool moms that there's different methods that they learn by, and different methods we teach by. And it's always fine tuning the way we teach to meet the way they learn. And I can remember so desperately wanting her to learn of Jesus. And I used, well, I would read the Bible, and I knew she didn't understand much of what I was saying after she had been here a while.

But then I would act things out. And I would use the whiteboard to draw battles and moments in the Bible. And she really connected with that. I found out she was a little actress. She didn't want to act anywhere else but at home. But she loved that play time. And she loved seeing it on the board. And I really believe that that helped her to cultivate that relationship that she now has. And so, I hope that answers your question. It's just a matter of really digging in and seeing our children for who they are. 

Shanxi: Every child is so unique. And every homeschool, therefore, has to be unique. 

Terri: Isn't that freeing as you go into it? At least I did, with the model of how I was taught in the public school and it's when we finally break free of that and know that we are here to really be under God's rule of what he wants it to be, and the children he has given us the power and the purpose and the privilege to parent for him. They're his child. And then to see them for who they are and do that for him, offer them right back to him. It just makes homeschooling a beautiful act of obedience that we're doing instead of a drudgery that we feel like we have this responsibility for. 

Shanxi: Looking back, just, you know, from the high-level viewpoints and how everything has worked out – if you were able to go back in time and just talk to yourself as you were just starting out, what advice would you have given yourself then that you know now? 

Terri: Rest in the moments. Really, go to God first. Once we started doing that in the day, it was just a beautiful opening, and I can honestly say that it made the day smoother. It made everyone more joyful. And as we built that character, you could go back to it.

We have signs. I'm in the school room now. We have all these signs around that, you know, like class rules and mission statements, and they're really all about failing. I want my kids to fail because that means they tried. You know, don't ever be perfect and know that you're free to try. And if you fail, you really succeeded because you tried it something. Now let's try again together. You know that old saying? If a door closes, go through the window.

My girls have gotten really resilient at that type of thing, and this is a really silly example, but the day – well, right now we have a leaky faucet in our bathroom. My husband was trying to find a part to fix it, and he hasn't been able to because it's an old – our house was built in ’89, so it's an old – the original bathtub faucet.

I said, “OK, this is pouring out way too fast.” And I just kept thinking dollar signs when I looked at the water because it was not drips. And so, my youngest daughter was sitting there and I said, “I'm going to get a towel.” And I said, “How can we get this fixed?” And so, we rolled the towel up and we folded it and we twisted it in between the faucet and the knob. And she held the – because it was the hot water dripping, and I didn't want them to get burned – and so she held the knob tight, and I slipped in the towel and then we pulled it together and it made it almost shut off.

And I said, “Now, obviously Daddy needs to fix this, but we did it,” and she said, “Yes!” And, you know, we were talking about going through the window and, but I love being able, you know, for them to fail, but to succeed at the same time. 

Shanxi: Yes, absolutely. I think sometimes we can complicate matters and overthink things about, you know, I have to get my child graduated like, tomorrow. But iyou're right, it's just resting in the moments – a day-by-day thing. And I think something that can be both the easiest and the hardest thing to remember. I'm just here for the moment. 

Terri: And to really look at it as a beautiful moment in time, we never get back, and it's gone way too soon. 

Shanxi: Is there anything else that you'd like to share about homeschooling just during times of crisis for people who are listening and maybe are going through, or have gone through, experiences like yours? 

Terri: Well, I think we talked about it – realizing the blessing of flexibility and availability. I was so glad to have that flexibility when those times came up. I wanted to remind mothers to keep track of the hours, for example, that we were in the nursing home and her serving. It took me a while to think, “Oh my goodness. I should be logging these as hours because she's serving. She's learning how to do this with the elderly. She's learning how to communicate with other people in different situations. She was able to help the people learn what games they might want to play. All those different things use different skills that is good for them to learn.”

I know that when you're busy –  for example, caring for the elderly, like when I was taking care of my elderly parents – what I tried to do is always have something in the car with us because I never knew when we would get held up at the nursing home or at my father's doctor's office or at his house, or all the different things that happened – taking him to get prescriptions or whatever.

So I always kept something in my bag that would be enjoyable for an 8-year-old or a 6-year-old or whatever age she was at the time, but yet was learning. And I'm not saying, don't put the phone in your bag for them to just play on or the iPad or whatever. Something that uses their hands, like the eye-hand coordination. You know, those old sewing cards, or actually teaching them to embroider, or a skill like that, that can be something you can just stick in your bag.

To have the OK to find a short-term tutor if needed. Let's say that you go back to the basics. You're in a season where it's very heavy with things happening one after the other, and you think, “I'm going to scale back to basics at this time.”

For example, when my middle daughter got up into high school math, I am not a math person at all. I don't mind any other subject but math, I would hold my daughter back, and so we found a math tutor.

I think she only had to go like once a week or something because she was teaching herself. But then the tutor would correct and, you know, get her started on the next chapter. And so find what works for your family. If you have to go to a tutor daily, or if you have to do it twice a week or once a week, or once every two weeks, whatever works for your family. We're flexible, right? And I think that's the beauty again of homeschooling. And we teach our children that flexibility, too.

Remember, during this time, you don't have to do it all yourself. Teach your kids how to load the dishwasher, unload the dishwasher. If you don't have one – we didn't have a dishwasher until two years ago because we enjoyed washing the dishes together, and it was a time, even after a long day of school together, it was still a different mood. We would turn music on and sing and play and dance while we did the dishes.

Allow times like that just for fun and freedom, or if you have to be gone, you know, and they do the laundry or the dishes, or they run the vacuum, it's OK. You're teaching them life skills and plus you get the hours of Home Ec(onomics), right? If they're old enough to be cooking for you, they can do chemistry with it. And so, we are homeschoolers, and we multitask our units, right? 

Shanxi: Yes, I love that. Going back to basics and then scaling, and then life skills, I mean no matter where you are, and knowing how to load a dishwasher, knowing how to wash dishes, knowing how to do the basics, I mean these are so important and they can really help make a difference.

I remember there was a story of a mom who had, you know, been going through some times of crisis and I think the father died, leaving her, you know, with like six children. I think it was Elisabeth Elliott's mom. I think Elisabeth Elliott was a child. And then she said, when she saw her mom get up the next morning and start sweeping the floor like she always had – you know, the first 5 days she just could not sweep the floor (as) she was just stricken with grief – and then when she saw her mom resuming those daily routines, she realized we're going to be OK again, you know, God  will shepherd us through this time. And I remember just thinking, “Wow, that is such a powerful image of doing the next best thing.”

Terri: Right. And I think it's so important too. You made me think of a thought. Even though my middle daughter was 4 when my oldest daughter died – we had just started homeschool and I ended up later logging it as our preschool year. I was going to go on and start her in kindergarten. I'm so glad I that it happened – not that my daughter passed, but that we labeled it as preschool because I needed that time to not think about the loss.

I loved focusing on teaching and focusing on other things, but it's so special because I do believe we need to have routine, but I think too that we also need to let our children see us as human because I tried really hard not to cry or anything in front of my daughter and she, at that time, we were in Awanas at church.

And I stopped assisting in the class I was in and my husband and my daughter kept going, and I used those Sunday nights to go through my older daughter's things and to cry and to play her music and those things where my younger daughter wasn't around to see me do it. But yet, through the week I would still try because with grief, it washes in and you don't know when it will come and go.

And I can remember one day, she was in the playroom and I said, “I'll be right there to play,” and all of a sudden it hit me and I went to the opposite end of the hallway, into the guest room, and I went in the guest room closet and I sat down and I just started to cry.

And my little girl came in. She found me and she opened the closet door and she said – well, she sat down and she gave me a little – at that time, those little pillows that had teeny, teeny-tiny, you know, the little beans in, and they were squishy, soft pillows. She sat down and she gave me that. And she said, “Maybe if you hug this, it will feel like Jamie.”

She knew. They, you know, they know things. And I said, “Thank you so much, but I would rather hug you.”

And I pulled her onto my lap and we just, I hugged her. And I cried.

And so I think sometimes they're so intuitive and they need to know that, OK, Mommy and Daddy feel the emotions. But then after that, we weren't in there long. I said, “I really miss playing with you. Let's go play.”

And you're able to breathe and know that you're OK, and it's time for you to show them you're OK again ,and off we went to play. But that routine and letting them see us as humans, so that they know it's OK to be human also. 

Shanxi: Yes, and I'm so grateful you're able to share these things because I know sometimes it's just really hard to talk about things that have happened in our lives. But other people hearing. Your story and hearing your testimony, I know they're going to be so encouraged. So thank you, Terri. 

Terri: You're welcome. God is good. And what he does and did for me, he does for everyone. And I get encouraged by other stories as well because that's just part of the beauty of the sisterhood of being in Christ.

Shanxi: If people do want to follow up with you, have any further questions, where should they reach out?

Terri: They can reach me at info@terrihitt.com and I do have something – I don't know if your listeners would be interested, but also if they go to terrihitt.com, they can click online there and I have just a free resource, or they might have several they might enjoy.

One thing I truly try to do is to teach my children their identity in Christ, and if they would like a free resource on that too, I've got a module there of a program I have that would be for free, and it's just a sampling of that program. It talks about how their identity could be sabotaging their children. And so that's a resource that I really like to give out and hope and pray that it helps others. So thank you.

Shanxi: Thanks so much for listening. We hope you are encouraged in your homeschool journey.

Please continue the conversation with us on our website, midwesthomeschoolers.org, or email us at podcast@midwestparenteducators.org. We're also active on social media if you'd like to connect with us there. Thanks to Kevin McLeod of incompetech.com for providing this royalty-free song Wholesome, which is licensed under creativecommons.org.