TRANSCRIPT
Shanxi: Hello, this is Shanxi Omoniyi, host of MPE’s “Homeschool Hints” podcast to encourage you wherever you may be on your homeschool journey.
I have a special guest with me. She’s going to be speaking at the Jan. 31st Women’s Encouragement Day, which is just around the corner. Preparations are underway even as I speak.
If you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Terri before, Terri, do you want to just introduce yourself and explain a little bit about what made you decide to write your new book, which has just come out: The Good Mom Trap?
Terri: Yes, thank you. Thank you so much, Shanxi, for having me here and enabling me to share with the MPE audience. I’m just so honored.
And my name is Terri Hitt. I am a Christian motherhood mentor and really just a godly womanhood and motherhood mentor. That’s where my heart rests. Thank you so much for mentioning The Good Mom Trap. The official title is The Good Mom Trap: Break the Lie That Good Parenting Creates Godly Kids.
And it’s an act of love and obedience, submitting to the Lord where he called me to write. And it’s a little bit of memoir and also self-help.
But when I say self-help, I like it to, in my mind, imagine scratching out the self and saying godly help, because it’s about the traps that moms get ourselves into when we don’t reach out and submit to him, moment by moment, looking up.
So that book is out, and I’m excited for moms to read that. And I pray that God uses it to affect generations for Jesus.
Shanxi: And you have a unique perspective because you’ve raised two sets of kids over two generations, right? So what are some things you would do differently if you could go back in time and talk to your younger self?
Terri: Yes, well that is one reason – well, I stated the right reason, the true reason I wrote the book, but honestly, it’s something that I wish that I would have had as a young mom because I began parenting at the age of 18.
And talk about no experience. I didn’t even know Jesus as my savior yet. So, I was really trying to be that good mom.
And that is the thing that I would tell myself is, please stop trying to be the good mom, because good is what the world says. And now my goal is to be that godly mom, because that’s the mom, who through the Lord can have godly kids, set-apart kids.
Shanxi: Yeah, I mean, everybody everywhere says, you know, I feel like such a bad mom, but no one talks about, you can be the worst mom ever, but if you are a godly mom, he covers all your failures, all your mistakes.
Terri: Because we, even when we even just say, I strive to be a godly mom, doesn’t that just make you feel differently? Rather than that negative of, I’m such a bad mom, or I can’t get this right, or I just want to be a good mom.
The world tells us to raise good kids, right? We don’t want good kids. We want set-apart kids. We don’t want typical kids as the world defines. So, I love being able to strive to be that godly mom moment by moment, because it’s only through him that we can do it – and then be godly educators too, right?
Shanxi: Yes, definitely. And I’d love to hear more about your homeschool journey and how that’s shaped your parenting too. Did you want to address that now?
Terri: Sure, I’d love to go there. Truly, being a homeschool mom was one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me.
And when we say that, it doesn’t mean every day was rosy and perfect, because you’re never going to have a perfect day in an imperfect world, right? Some days we think, wow, this was a great day, but it doesn’t mean it was perfect, right?
But, like you said earlier, I had two generations of children. So I had a set of two at 18 and 21, raised them, started over, and then had a set of two all those years later, parenting at 18 versus beginning again at age 44, then bringing another child home at 54.
So, it stretched out a good long time. But when I had my first two, they were in the public school system because I was in the public school system.
And even though homeschooling was being pioneered back then in the 80s, and my oldest daughter really kept saying, I want to be homeschooled, I had to work full time. I knew nothing about it, and I just didn’t really even think about going there. And so, when we set out to raise our third daughter when we started over again, the choice was there. I mean, God really implanted that in my heart that this is what I’m calling you to do.
And it’s so funny because I like to tell young moms the very best part of homeschooling was starting with the Bible every day because that set the tone, that set my mentality, my mood, my children’s. It gave me the connection right off the bat at the beginning of the day. just to handle whatever came up in a more godly way.
I just think that homeschooling is such a gift, but it’s all in our heart and mindset and the prayerful attitude in which we approach it.
Shanxi: Can you tell us more about your ministry to moms and how that started and how you’re becoming that godly motherhood mentor to so many?
Terri: Thank you. Yes, well, again, The Good Mom Trap does go into that. And basically, the foundation of the book is Jesus.
But there’s a spine that goes through it, that is the story of my oldest daughter, Jamie. And really, in a nutshell, she passed away at the age of 29, unexpectedly.
So when that happened, I had already started over raising children again, and I knew that God was calling me to be a set-apart mother. My walk with him was maturing and I can’t, I was going to say matured, but you know, we never get, but so I knew how I wanted to raise a baby for him.
And so, when she passed away, I really saw things through an eternal perspective that I hadn’t before. It was like God truly lifted a veil. I thought I was living for eternity because the Bible tells us to. But when you’re in a situation like that where your greatest fear has come true, you’ve lost a child.
And you know, as moms, whether you birth a child into the world or you adopt your child, you’re there for these firsts. You’re there for all these different things to guide them through the world. upon ourselves, right?
That’s our role – it’s to guide them and prepare and equip. But we can’t lead our child out of this world. So that really hit me that I wasn’t there, to be there with her when she passed from here to eternity.
And that’s what really stuck in my mind, is living with eternal perspective. And it just shifted everything.
And that’s why I truly hope my book affects families for generations for Jesus, because moment by moment we live in this world and we can choose to see all the things in in front of us, or we can see everything through the lens of eternity and really live with a different mindset that affects absolutely everything about us and those around us.
Shanxi: So true. And something that, you know, it’s very easy to think about when you’re, you know, not caught up in the middle of things, but just hearing it and being reminded of that is so important.
Terri: Yes, I agree. And it’s something that affects every single person because we, none of us are going to live forever. And what a gift it is to be able to instill that mindset in those values in our children when they’re young so that they can grow up with that.
And then, like I said, affect generations for Jesus. What an eternal legacy we have the opportunity to leave, right? And we’re never too late to start, even if we didn’t start when they were young.
For example, when my daughter passed at 29, I still held influence in her life. No matter where we change our own perspective in our walk, we still have that influence.
Shanxi: What are you hoping personally that moms will gain by coming to the Women’s Encouragement Day?
Terri: So many things, but really at the core, encouragement, right? Just a new heart set and mindset – that they can let go of maybe expectations that they hold onto, maybe things that aren’t working. You know, it’s like, oh, I try so hard for this and I can’t do it, or it’s not working that way. My kids just aren’t getting it.
Just really get in there and find connection and support and to be able to know that they’re not enough because none of us are. You know, it’s a daily thing, right?
I had so many homeschool days where, when the day ended and the door, the door would have closed as the kids go upstairs out of the schoolroom, I remained in the dark in the schoolroom on my knees. You know, Lord, reach them through me. God, show me how to teach the way they will accept, the way that they will grasp. Show them how I’m teaching, you know, mesh the way I teach with the way they learn, help me see them uniquely, individually.
I just pray that the moms will get something like that will enable them to stay the course, to take that next step in that moment-by-moment journey that they’ve committed to, and not give up hope.
Shanxi: Yeah, that is so powerful to hear because I feel like as a homeschool mom, you never, well, never is a very strong word, but it’s very difficult to find those moments when you feel like you’ve finally “arrived” as to, you know, now I feel comfortable in my role. You’re always second guessing yourself or thinking, I could have handled that situation differently. Did you ever experience that too?
Terri: Sure, that’s why I was on my knees. You know, and especially when we brought home our youngest, who had, you know, the one I think I’ve shared on the podcast before, she lived in China until nine, had quite a background of isolation.
And we brought her home, and that first year was doctors, appointments, procedures, surgeries, major surgeries. learning English, learning to even be in a family, and how to accept love, to trust, and then homeschooling on top of that.
And so, it was quite a year of submission and humility and grace and just praying over time, right? And then being able to see the beauty of how God meets us where we are so that we can meet our children where they are. And I think that’s a beautiful gift too.
Shanxi: Anything else you’d like to add for first-time moms who maybe haven’t been there before, but are wondering, is this event for me? What can I hope to gain from this?
Terri: Well, like what we said earlier, those are the things I hope they gain, but also just that camaraderie of knowing that they’re not alone. There are women who have done it. They’ve graduated kids out of the system, so to speak, right? They’re no longer being homeschooled.
And also talk to mothers who are in the thick of it, maybe somebody who just started.
You’re always going to find somebody who is where you are, somebody who’s further along, and somebody that you can help along too.
And I think that it makes us feel needed. It makes us feel appreciated and understood. And I think that those are other gifts that moms can attain when they come to be open to all those things.
I know it’s so much easier to stay home in your comfy, warm clothes bundled up right in the house. But we’re already praying for good weather for the women to get there.
And I really do think that it makes a difference because when we stay home isolated like that, it’s easy to stay in whatever mindset we’re in, whereas when we push ourselves just a little bit.
I mean, we ask our kids to push themselves every day at school, right? Buy those new things, listen to this new idea, all these different things.
And then if we step out and do that, we’re not only gaining something for ourselves, but we’re gaining something that we’re able to give back to our children.
And I think that it’s also an act of obedience as we do those new things, because we are getting deeper into what the Lord has for us in homeschooling and for our families. And we’re expanding those skills that He wants to put inside of us too.
Shanxi: Think of it as almost like teacher development, right? (laughs)
Terri: Exactly, it is. It’s Teacher Development Day.
Shanxi: Well, thank you so much, Terri. Is there anything else you’d to add?
Terri: As far as the book goes, if they are looking for a book that will give them hope and encouragement as well, something that will show them how to get out of traps that they may have in their own life about motherhood, womanhood, really a lot of things.
The book goes through quite a lot of seasons and I would say just challenges that this world gives – pretty broad.
It is a beautiful gift that won’t leave them thinking, ah, I can’t do that. It’s really, I’m told, a gift of encouragement that meets women right where they are and gives them hope.
And then I also have a Godly Motherhood podcast that women can listen to. There’s plenty of old episodes out there. It’s been on hiatus for a while – while we finished up things for The Good Mom Trap – but it will be full-fledged going again and strong. But yeah, that would be a beautiful thing.
And as far as the Women’s Encouragement Day, I hope to see women there, give them a big hug, pray with them, whatever they would need just to leave that day thinking I am so blessed for coming today, make new friends, connections that they can call on on those days where they think that, uh, I don’t know, maybe I can’t continue to do this. Someone else who can put their arm around their shoulder and say, we’ve got this together. We are going to hang in there together, and God is going to carry us.
That is another thing – I hope women will make the effort to be there so that they can gain all of those things and be that for someone else.
Shanxi: Well, thank you so much. And your book will be available at the Women’s Encouragement Day event, and you’ll be on site to sign an autograph as needed.
Terri: Yes, yes it will.
Shanxi: Well, thank you so much, Terri. I really appreciate your time and this moment just to think about what’s ahead for the homeschool community, not just in Kansas City, but we sometimes get moms from neighboring states as well because they’re really looking forward to this day.
Terri: Yes, they will be beautiful. I’m looking forward too. I really look forward to meeting all the women.
Shanxi: Thanks so much for listening. We hope you are encouraged in your homeschool journey.
Please continue the conversation with us on our website, midwesthomeschoolers.org, or email us at podcast@midwestparenteducators.org. We’re also active on social media if you’d like to connect with us there. Thanks to Kevin McLeod of incompetech.com for providing this royalty-free song Wholesome, which is licensed under creativecommons.org.
